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First I have to say that I fully understand your need for some degree of control from the man in your life, because it is a need I that I share to the extent that I feel I can no longer enter into relationship unless it is there.
Having said that, I feel very strongly that there are DEGREES of control. While most women who enter into a taken in hand style of relationship want to feel the strength and support of their men to some extent, not all of us want to achieve total and absolute submission in every area of our lives just for its own sake. Even when that IS the goal in a relationship, it is also still very much a two way street in that (forgive the use of labels here) a good 'Dominant' or 'Master' will use the power granted him by that submission to enhance and enrich the lives of both participants of the relationship and not solely for his own ease and gratification.
What I think that MOST of us are looking for is an atmosphere of complete trust and openness in which there are safe and consensually agreed boundaries and supportive control in those areas which we have consistent difficulty in controlling for ourselves. Inevitably once we become more used to this new regime, there may be times when the 'controller' will utilise his authority under the general umbrella of consensuality, but perhaps without the individual agreement of his partner. Although this is his right, and to remove it would be to disable the essence of his leadership, he should nevertheless always be prepared to enter into discussion on the matter even though his decision may stand.
To my way of thinking, to question does not in itself imply a lack of submission unless you do it in a disrespectful and defiant manner. In giving up any degree of submission to your partner, you have made yourself accountable to him, but if a responsible and fair brand of leadership is to be applied, he also needs to be accountable to you in ensuring that you fully understand and accept his motives for applying discipline in your life. If his reasons differ from your own and you feel that 'taken in hand' has become his 'cure all' tool for an easy way out of conflict and disagreement, then clearly the two way respect element that is so essential to a taken in hand relationship has been lost, and you need to sit down and redefine your mutual needs and aims for the relationship.
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