Truth and Choices of BBW Dating
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by DeeMarie on 2006 Sep 10 - 12:16 | reply to this comment
Against the standard view (was Counter argument?)
A child who is sexually violated and/or beaten, especially if she is being told that these hateful acts are expressions of love or correction (and particularly if she is genetically predisposed to intense physiological and emotional reaction to stress) may neurologically and psychologically pair nurturing feelings with rape and violence. Even in those who have not been violently abused, failing to respect the autonomy of the child by either abandoning her emotionally or physically or encroaching on her personal privacy space, or both, may have the same effect.
But some experts then draw conclusions which do not necessarily follow. For example, some draw the conclusion that, having been subjected to abuse as a child, an adult woman then seeks an abuser with whom to reenact her childhood experience of juxtaposed love and hate. But – so the story goes – the woman is now trying to master her experience by seeking another abusive man who, instead of just violently objectifying her and abandoning her, as she experienced as a child, will also love and care for her and treat her as important.
Some mental health professionals (not those who are sympathetic to Taken In Hand) say that the wires in such a woman's brain get crossed because of childhood abuse. Pain/control and love become entangled in her mind and these juxtaposed experiences are delivered to her by the dominant man. But instead of the subsequent abandonment that she felt as a child by her parents or from a cruel world that did not respect her unique needs, she now seeks a chivalrous man who will both abuse her AND remain emotionally engaged with her. So finally she has safety, and at least a kind of sexual fulfillment, despite her disturbed mind that is now in need of medication and psychotherapy to sort out its pathologies.
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